Thursday, 29 March 2012

The Cat Empire

Well, last night I managed to write over 1400 words on a single song in about 40 minutes. This worries me somewhat, considering that I've written less on entire albums. As I intend on doing today.

I've talked about the Cat Empire before. Quite a lot, actually, considering this will be my third review of one of their albums. I really need to be a little bit more organised, considering my last Cat Empire album was their most recent (fifth) album and the one before that was their second. Fitting with that theme is tonight's review, which is of their first album.

As this should logically be the first album review I would have done, I should give some background on the Cat Empire:

They're from Melbourne and they're awesome. Also, they do jazz. Well.

Happy? Here goes.

1. How To Explain?
Truly, one of th best intros to an album is found on this track, specifically the trumpets at the beginning of this song. The one thing that strikes you immediately upon hearing this song is the excellent use of vocals. The speed at which they deliver those lyrics at some points is almost reminiscent of hip-hop, but the delivery is much less emphasised than rap. Overall, there is also a haunting use of a choir (I think) sampled in the background, which connects well with the lyrics. The song is full of very colourful imagery, but lacks any kind of clear narrative, which I think works very well with the musical style of the Cat Empire. I am aware that I said I wouldn't dare mention Cat Empire lyrics (half due to the fact they are often near nonsensical and half because they sing at speeds undocumented by mankind) but I do make an exception when the lyrics are clearly used well. If I don't mention the lyrics, just presume it's in Spanish or just about partying...or both, as the case may be. The song also slows down at the end, using disjointed echoes atop a piano and drum beat. I think this also would have been a pretty good song to end the album with.

Overall, I think the effect of this song is to give an overview of the entire album: Nonsensical at times, others are poetic, fast at points, other times slow, but the beats will always be there. A great way of starting off the first album of the Cat Empire's career.

93/100

2. Days Like These
This is the song that first really got me interested in the Cat Empire. The first Cat Empire song I heard was the French cover of Hotel California, but I thought that was just a one-off. A friend was actually listening to this on youtube one day and I just had to do more research on them after hearing that. I still think this is one of the best songs the Cat Empire has ever done, tied with two other songs as the best on he album (How To Explain? being one of them). Anyway, this song also makes extensive use of vocals, which I feel works very well. I think this entire album is going to be a hell of a lot more lively than Cinema. The basic moral of this song is "Life is awesome". The beat is also fantastic and the entire song is just one great big party. Also worth noting, this is the second single off the album.

You just have to love this song. There is literally nothing to dislike about it, as long as you have nothing against the voices of members of the Cat Empire (which some people actually have told me they do. I, however, think they're just as good if not better than the majority of pop musicians).

90/100

3. The Lost Song
The saddest song on the album so far, using a lot of feline imagery, which I think is quite interesting. This song has much less emphasis on the vocals than the previous two, relying on several instruments I will not even attempt to name. The actual vibe of this song is hard to pin down. The vocals present it as "sad", but the music is more somewhere between "haunting" and "muted". In the end, I think the name of the song itself actually tells us the emotion it is trying to convey: Loss. I think it is far more about getting over something, with a grim humour, but accepting sadness. But that might just be me.

Not much to write home about, but a break from the Cat Empire formula, which actually develops much more in their next album. This album, I feel, is much more creative and unique. 76/100

4. The Chariot
I like this song very much, mainly because it reminds me very much of Australian hip-hop. Strange metaphors about fictional conflict and even a title which implies violence and wealth. Again, it might just be how my brain works rather than any tribute the band was actually trying to make. The lyrics of this song are pretty average, using war as a metaphor for how the band lives. An interesting overall effect, though. Basically what an "on tour" song is when this is the bands first album. Where this song shines is the variation it makes. Normally (by which I mean "in the future of the Cat Empire"), the Cat Empire goes all out making as much noise as possible and being just crazy. Here, they clearly hold back to try and make the song more interesting, and I honestly don't know how successful they are. I would need to hear how this song sounded with all out Cat Empire sounds going to make a fair comparison. Also, this was the third single from the album.

A very different and certainly a very memorable Cat Empire song, but they are hardly hard to find. - 85\100

5. Hello
This is what made the Cat Empire. This was the third Cat Empire song I heard, the second I ever heard on the radio. I think even to this day, this song is what the Cat Empire is best known for. The Cat Empire clearly went all out for this song. This song isn't "crazy noise" Cat Empire, more "deliberately not crazy noise" Cat Empire. The kind of music a group makes when they know they completely control every note which the listener can hear. Very unusual for a Cat Empire song, this song is about partying and women. Surprisingly, they don't mention getting drunk. Perhaps that started next album. Nothing great, lyrically, anyway. The flute (I think) solo at the end of the album is very interesting. It made (slightly) more sense in the music video, but still is an interesting addition. Also, it should be pretty obvious just from hearing it that this was the most polished work, thus was the first single off the album.

Overall, I can see why this song is so popular, but it doesn't do that much for me. Undeniably a good song, though. - 86/100

6. One Four Five
This is one of my favourite Cat Empire songs of all time, tying with the first two songs as the best of this album. Although it starts restrained, the song just really sounds like the Cat Empire let loose a bit from being restrained in the previous two songs. The lyrics completely baffle me. I have honestly no idea what importance the number 145 has. Considering the song is about a curing ong given out by a doctor which takes away the stress of modern life, it isn't too difficult to see why I naturally presumed it was about illegal substances. I figured 145 was one of those American laws to legalise selling certain products, or at least owning them. However, Wikipedia says nothing of the sort. I've read the articles about 145 a few times, basically whenever I think I've worked out what the song is about (which is embarrassingly often). There is a musical progression related to the numbers 1,4 & 5, but that seems far too obvious. My current theories are that the song is either a reference to Botswana's rank in world population (145th) of a reference to the Chinese emperor Han Chongdi, who sadly passed away in the year 145 AD. He will be missed, but will be remembered through song. There are several musical elements which are...interesting. The strange voices used after the second verse are....very interesting. This is a little problem when compared to the fantastic use of bass and backing vocals.

A truly fantastic song. I just love it. - 93/100

7. The Rhythm
This song also has an emphasis on vocals. Sadly, the lyrics fall short of this. I know I shouldn't judge the Cat Empire on their lyrics, it clearly isn't a forte of theirs but honestly....after the line "and my pants were bulging" you cannot use the line "tell me, what is the secret to your soul?" in the same song. If you didn't pick it up yet, this song is about women. Well, I'm surprised. The music is fantastic, but the beginning of the song lets it down for me. I don't know which member of the Cat Empire is singing, but the very beginning of the song is silent but for the vocals of the lead singer. What they are going for is a deep, sultry whisper. This is certainly not that. It ends up sounding more like a creepy individual coming up behind you and whispering into your ear. Which doesn't work. That image is not improved upon by the line "and my pants were bulging". I'm sorry Cat Empire, but I will never let you live that line down. It is among the worst lines I have ever heard. Moving along, the music is absolutely fantastic. If you try not to listen to the vocals, the use of trumpet is exceptional and as the title may suggest, the song has a fantastic rhythm.

This song shows a lot about the Cat Empire I didn't want to focus upon. The vocals work best when the listener is partially distracted by the music. The vocals do not hold up to silence and the lyrics aren't much better. This should answer any questions my readership (Yup. I'm that deluded. To think anyone is reading this.) may have had about why I try to avoid focusing of many lyrics in Cat Empire songs. I honestly try to focus on the music, because that is undoubtedly the best part. - 70/100

8. The Wine Song
Well, I was clearly premature in my assumption on the topic of alcohol in track 5. Yes, that's right. A song that is just about drinking. Its even in the title. But don't worry. It's classy because it's wine! The actual song is fantastic, one of the few Cat Empire songs that is based instrumentally around the piano, which is an instrument the Cat Empire normally dwarfs behind louder instruments. There are other instruments (of course), but the piano is key to the song. This is the longest song on the album, but as of my present memory, it is the only Cat Empire song which I can sing all the way through. I think this says a lot about the song. It's slightly slower lyrically, has shorter, simpler, repetitive lyrics and is generally a song that stands out amongst Cat Empire songs. Slower? Using simpler and shorter words? Repeating itself? Jeez, this song is more about getting drunk that I first realised. Also, the scat (please, Oh God, let that be the actual term for it and not Wikipedia just trolling me) singing at the end is unbelievable

Nothing that will change your view of the world or music, but a good song, which shows the kind of variety the Cat Empire is capable of. -87/100

9. Nothing
Like the previous song, this song is based around simplicity. The entire premise of this song is about very simple things, or putting complex ideas about life into simple terms. The use of a banjo or ukulele (I think) really adds to this effect, making the entire song seem like it is being sung by cartoon characters, or character made out of felt, who literally cannot be imagined having an IQ above their age. This is not an insult about the song-writing ability of the Cat Empire, quite the opposite. I honestly think this effect was intentional, made to be a "lazy" song (you know the genre) which tries to be unintelligent. The actual lyrics of this song are among the most quotable of any Cat Empire song. I use the phrase "Nothing. Oh sweet nothing" at least once a week, normally in reference to questions like "What are you doing today?", "What are you thinking?" or "Can you describe your dating life using a lyric from a song by an Australian band?". Yeah, my conversations go weird places. Anyway, it's a hell of a lot more quotable than "and my pants were bulging", but, then again, I don't know that many sex offenders.

A nice simple song that is really a lot of fun, and not in the usual chaos of a Cat Empire song - 81/100

10. Beanni
Meh. I have just saved myself about 5 minutes, but I will explain why the song is meh anyway. The basic premise is two people ("Beanni and Sunglasses Girl") who meet and fall in love. Each is represented by a different musical style and vocalist. Very Obladi Oblada, isn't it? Now, I don't look for meaning in Cat Empire songs in the same way I don't look for good conversation in my toothbrush. I have better ways to waste my time, but this is a new low. This song just lacks life. There is an incredibly weak narrative, a simple musical gimmick and nothing I would expect in a song by the Cat Empire. Just don't bother.

I honestly don't know how a song can be written which contains so little that the preceding song which is literally called NOTHING can be more interesting. HOW?! - 30/100

11. The Crowd
I don't quite get this song. It's not forgettable like many Cat Empire songs, but it just has a way about it that makes it feel dull. Like many songs on this album, the music feels respectably restrained, which I realise is quite a feat for a first album, especially considering the kind of music found on all the other Cat Empire albums. Honestly, The Crowd feels like a no-brand knock-off of The Chariot. I admit this song is different in many aspects, but I just can't stop myself from drawing parallels. Speaking of parallels (yes, that's my segue and I'm sticking to it), I'd like to talk about how this album and Cinema compare. Cinema was a slower album, but was much darker and bleaker. This album is slower than a lot of Cat Empire work, but it does not feel anywhere near as dark. I think the Cat Empire were formed mainly as a live show and when given the chance to release an album, decided to make something that captured the essence of their music without going too over the top. I think a comparison between an essay and a converation is very apt. with an essay (an album) you need to work out what you want to say, make your point and conclude. With a conversation (live show) you can work out who you are dealing with, change you point to fit the circumstance and generally be more precise in what you do. Making an album would have been like trying to guess what having the entire world as an audience would have been like and attempting to produce an album which would appeal to everyone. Oddly, it kind of works. Now, this ties back to The Crowd. Frankly, the song is so dull I got completely off track and don't regret it for a minute.

Worth a listen, but not before a lot of better songs on this album. -60/100

12. Manifesto
There are two things I would like to talk about, before even getting into what the song sounds like. Firstly, congrats to the Cat Empire for not calling a song about what they believe in The Anthem. Seriously, there are a shitload of songs called The Anthem. Consider that both the Hilltop Hoods and Bliss n' Eso have songs called The Anthem. Secondly, lets talk about connotations. Connotations, if you are not aware, is when a word or phrase brings up thoughts of another word or phrase or even a location or an event. Connotations can be very powerful. That is why when people are protesting something, they use very powerful language (say, when someone disagrees with an animal cull, they will call it a "Holocaust of said animal") to attempt to emotionally manipulate the audience. Now, connotations can also be accidental, and that's what I believe happened here. Now, Manifesto is a reasonably obscure word, which few people use in day to day conversation. Now, personally, the most common use of the word "Manifesto" is in reference to "The Communist Manifesto", which is a short book which states the core tenants of Communism. Now, Communism is associated with a large number of things, principally the USSR, which also is associate with a number of things, mainly negative. So, what I'm trying to say here is, although the Cat Empire were creative enough to use a different name for their song, perhaps a better phrase still lurks out there. Anyway, the actual song. The song is actually a parody of a pledge (there, call it "pledge"!), supporting and swearing to basically live life in a fun way. It's okay, but it really just is very distracting in the name. This song is what sort of comes to mind when you call a song Nothing. Not necessarily about "nothing", but unconnected phrases and lines. Not bad, but needs a new name.

A bit too short, but I'm not too sad about it ending. -75/100

13. All That Talking
This is the first song on the album which I think was written to be slow, rather than a lively song slowed down for the album. This song is delightfully cool ,collected and sexy, sort of what I think they were going for at the beginning of The Rhythm. The vocals are the best part, being what really makes his song worth listening to. There was also a great use of maracas (I think). At the end of the sung part of the song, there is a long piano solo, which is OK, which eventually takes up energy and more instruments until the song returns in a much faster way. Now THIS is exactly what the Cat Empire sounds like, not holding back, full on with the trumpets.

A nice simple tune which I consider a "To be continued..." communicated musically. A great way to end the album. -85/100

All in all, it was easy to see that the Cat Empire would achieve great things from the very start. If you thought or think otherwise, you're clearly deaf...or pay too much heed to lyrics. Just turn the brain off and enjoy some Australian jazz.

H. Rourke

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

77%

Well, I have nothing of substance to say (as usual) and I'm not going to write about an entire album, but I do want to mention a particular song by The Herd: 77%.

Before I actually write anything, I have two things to say:
1. The Herd have just released a new EP. I haven't gotten my hands on it yet (as I listen to all my music on a discman and they haven't released a CD of the EP), but I recommend anyone who stops by this blog and reads one of the posts (perhaps thinking my blog is about old Communist propaganda...what a blog called Red Television should probably be about...) should have a listen to a few tracks (and if I may be forward, perhaps purchase it?).

2. The reason I haven't done a review of an album recently is due to the fact I've been both very busy and listening to albums which I've already reviewed. I will do another review soon. I think. If I have time. So probably not.

Anyway, 77%. 77% was a single from The Herd's second album, An Elefant Never Forgets, which is the first Herd album I ever owned. The title of the song is derived from a survey which occurred soon after the Tampa Affair (unless you're from an area in the Pacific or from Norway, there is a high chance you have no idea what I'm talking about. Wikipedia it. Google will just talk about Florida and baseball, which is somewhat off topic). The survey stated that 77% of Australians support the Australian government's actions in the Tampa affair (which, in short involved preventing a ship filled with refugees from landing in Australia, preventing these people (2 of whom were pregnant) from receiving medical attention and sending the FUCKING SAS to make sure the refugees didn't land on Australian soil. ). The Herd, like 20% of Australians (3% were unsure) thought this survey was either bullshit or (depressingly more likely) Australia was filled with idiots.

This should give a pretty good idea of what the song is about, but I would like to talk about the actual release of the song first. 77% was neither the first hit or the first single released by The Herd (these being Scallops and Burn Down The Parliament respectively), but I think it was the song which shaped The Herd's music the most. Scallops was the first hit of The Herd, but was just a regular song, about ordering food. Nothing special. Burn Down The Parliament was the first single released by The Herd, off the same album as 77%, but didn't receive much attention (to demonstrate, 77% was released the same year as Burn Down The Parliament, but 77% was the only Herd song to be placed on the Hottest 100 that year (ranking 46th)). This is a shame, as I think Burn Down The Parliament is to this day one of the best Herd songs, but not quite as good as 77%. It has a better beat than 77%, but not the same calibre of lyrics.

Anyway, what is so special about 77%? Before I answer this, I need to explain my personal view of music. I think music is about emotion. Without emotion, music is nothing. My view differs from other similar views due to the fact that I think many slower, happier songs can still contain emotion. This is most certainly not a slow, happy song. I think the stronger the emotion, the better the song, for the simple reason that the artist puts more effort into the song if they feel it says something.

77% is all about frustration.

On my mental scale of song emotions, I put 77% as slightly less rage filled than Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine (for the simple reason that it is hard to portray rage without noise, and hip-hop actually has to remain coherent throughout the entire track to maintain its message) and slightly less accepting that Fifty In Five by the Hilltop Hoods.

I'll only quote the song three times, and I'll just put those quotes right here and refer back to them:
1. "Take Aussie from my name, erase this endless shame..."
2. "Watch as I tear my very skin from my face,
so none'll see my race, my deep disgrace."
3. "..go pack your stuff. don't want to live in England?
That's fucking tough!"

OK, well the first quote is great for both the sentiment behind it and the pun (I'll explain it in a bit). Living in a country seemingly filled with stupid people doing and saying stupid things is something individuals from every country on this planet have to deal with sometimes. But sometimes it feels that people from your particular country are particularly idiotic. The Tampa affair support survey was one of those crowning moments for Australia, accompanied only by our re-election of John Howard. Although I'm sure many would disagree, I personally view the Tampa affair as both the low point and the perfect summary of the Howard years. Send the SAS after refugees? Yeah, that sums up Howard pretty well. Sigh.

Denouncing both your land and heritage would have been very tempting at that time, but the song gets a bit more extreme, as the quotes may show. Also, a quick thing: the MC who did that verse was Ozi Batla. Thus, "take AUSSIE (Ozi) from my name" was meant literally (as far as I know, he didn't though. That would have been interesting. The Herd: Fronted by MCs Urthboy and Batla. Could work).

Anyway, quote two. If you're wondering why I'm just talking about three quotes: it is currently 10pm. If I wrote freely about the song, I would very possibly still be writing at 10am. I am exaggerating only in the fact that I'm sure I would have passed out of pure exhaustion, rather than run out of things to say.

Quote two is very interesting. It manages to combine violence, particularly self-inflicted violence, something often associated with extremists (i.e. Self-immolation), combined with the rather reasonable comment about the concept of a race-less society, or even the concept of a race-less individual in a racial land. Very interesting, but this line perfectly summarises what I was saying earlier about frustration. Now, hip-hop is great for the written medium. Imagine I wanted to explain how Rage Against The Machine portrayed frustration in Killing In The Name. What could I say? "Well, they say "fuck" a lot...and I mean a lot!..and they're really loud...noisy....and screaming.......I'll stop now." With hip-hop, it is wonderful to just be able to quote a single line and summarise perfectly. Not to say other genres don't have powerful lyrics, but the lyrics of other songs, in regards to rage and frustration, are not as important as vocals and instrumentation. Hip-hop manages to put everything after lyrics. I think this is one of the best arguments for why hip-hop should receive much more respect in the wider community. If you are angry at some thing, which of the following do you feel it is more civilised to do?:
A. Start screaming at the top of your voice.
B. Hit something loudly with a stick.
C. Put your feelings into words and explain why you are angry.
If you answered A or B, I feel the comments section of Youtube may be more appropriate for your kind of social interaction (i.e. silent, though still irritating).

Quote three is a concept I like to think about when a fuss is stirred up about "boat people". Another quick question, this one just for the white Australians among us:
"How did we get to Australia?"
A. We flew on all those planes England had in the 18th Century
B. We swam
C. We came here on a boat.
If you answered A or B, you're my kind of troll. Or a member of the One Nation party. Hopefully both.

In the end, this is almost certainly the most passionate song The Herd has ever done, despite this song only being on their second album. Although there is some language and many of you may feel that a song talking about an event which occurred in 2001 may be outdated, but if you follow Australian politics, you'll know that a song which tells talk-back radio hosts to shut the fuck up will always have a place in the Australian psyche.

H. Rourke

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Drinking From The Sun: First Impressions

Well, this may be a first. Me actually talking about an album while it is actually being talked about. My pre-order of the Hilltop Hoods' new album arrived this afternoon and I just finished listening to it.

It's pretty damn good.

I was really worried about what I blew $20 on after hearing I Love It, but this single is A. Not the best song on the CD by far and B. Better in context of the rest of the album. I don't believe it is a concept album, bt it certainly seems to have a dark theme. The best way I can describe it is the best of The Herd meets American rap. I'm not a fan of much American rap, but it really seems to be used to the best effect here.

My personal favourite song is Speaking In Tongues, which gives a great sample of what the album is like. Sadly, I don't believe that there is a new Fifty In Five, which saddens me greatly, but there are no songs comparable to She's So Ugly or Aussie Accents, both of which are dreadful songs in my opinion.

On a completely unrelated note, the artist behind one of my favourite albums of all time, Plan B, who is behind the immortal The Defamation Of Strickland Banks released his new song...and he's going back to rap. I'm very, very, very, very saddened for several reasons. Firstly, the man cannot rap. He sounds like a bloody idiot and just generally sounds terrible. Secondly, this almost certainly means that Plan B will not be making a new R&B album any time soon. Shit. I don't understand this at all. Sales of Strickland Banks were phenomenal. According to Wikipedia (blame them, not me for inaccuracies. Blame me, not them for bat-shit crazy opinions) Plan B's first album peaked at 30 on the UK charts and was certified silver (60,000). Not bad for British rap (I say that "not bad" in reference to sales, not sound. I think that album is shit.). Now, his second album, The Defamation Of Strickland Banks not only reached 1 on the British album charts, but appeared on charts all around the world, including 25th in Australia. On top of that, it sold triple platinum in the UK, which means over 900,000 sales. I understand that Plan B is most passionate about rap, and I can't fault him for that, yet brining good music to well over a million people worldwide surely is a higher calling.

Anyway, a taste of this next album can be found by simply searching for Ill Manors on Youtube, which is a single released from it. If you wish to cry for several minutes over wasted talent, open Love Goes Down and Ill Manors in different tabs and listen to alternating segments from each. I need to get some tissues...

H. Rourke

Monday, 12 March 2012

The Greatest Detectives

About that review i mentioned in the Update post...

Well,when I wrote that I was planning on doing a review, I had in mind Two Shoes by The Cat Empire. Now, anyone who pays the slightest attention to the content of this blog (more than me, at least) will realise that this is one of the first albums I ever reviewed on here. o say the least, I'm glad I noticed before writing another review on the same subjects.

So instead of a review today (I'll still do one soon) I'm going to do something completely different. As you may have observed from the title (clever one, aren't you?), I shall be counting down my personal favourite fictional detectives and agents of law enforcement.

So, criteria:
1. Only 1 character per author, just for he sake of variety.
2. They do not have to be a detective, but they must either at some point have solved a crime by using skills of observation or other crime solving talents (eg. Questioning suspects, etc.)
3. If the character is based on a real person, at least the name must be completely fictional. (So Allison DuBois from Medium is not in the running. Although, I must say that she had much of a chance from the start. To say the least, when I think "detective", that character does not spring to mind.)

10. Lt Lindsay Boxer
Well, I'd like to say that it was tricky trying to come up with my favourite character by James Patterson, but it was remarkably easy. The other main contender was Alex Cross, but he never had a chance. Really, he was a pretty 2D character in my mind. Anyway, Boxer is a female cop from San Francisco. The only series I'm aware she appears in is the Women's Murder Club series, where a group of women: one a cop (Boxer), one a reporter, one a lawyer (I think. It has been a while) and one a medical examiner. Although I'm not a massive fan of the majority of Patterson's work, the Women's Murder Club series certainly stands out.

9. Thomas Vanadium
Or to be more precise, Detective Father Thomas Vanadium. A former priest who leaves the orphanage he works at to join the police after two boys under his care are murdered by someone working in the same building. I extremely doubt many people have heard of this particular detective, as he has appeared (to my knowledge) in only one book: From The Corner Of His Eye by Dean Koontz. I recommend this book only if you haven't read any of his work before. It all really seems the same in the end. Thomas Vanadium is by far the saving grace of this book. He haunts the murderer, performing tricks with a coin during conversation, only for the coin to follow the killer wherever he goes, ending up in San Francisco. A brilliant detective and a great concept.

8. Detective Gorby
The first and probably only Australian in this list. The creation of Fergus Hume in 1886, The Mystery Of The Hansom Cab was one of the first detective novels ever written. The setting is Melbourne and basically just discussing mattes of the wealthy getting killed. The plot is OK. Gorby is on this list because he is something many modern fictional detectives are not: he is seriously flawed. Not modern "flawed", where the detective has one mild inconvenience in an otherwise perfect life. Gorby picks the wrong man and stands by it, even when a great deal of proof says otherwise. A strange but interesting man.

7. Temperance Brennan
Well, this is going to be a tricky one. To put it simply, Temperance Brennan is two people:
The first and my personal favourite is the independent, intelligent and able woman who works in the city of Montreal, solving crimes using bones. There are some books with her in North Carolina, but I'm yet to read these. This Brennan has a life, to put it simply, and is overworked, being a much more realistic detective than many. A great creation by the writer Kathy Reichs.

The second Brennan is the reason this person was not in a higher position. The second Temperance "Bones" Brennan is one of the main characters of the TV show Bones. She lacks almost all social skills, has no understanding of the world outside her office and is basically dependant on her partner, Booth. This woman is not a detective, but a nuisance. I don't mind the show at all, but I would never choose that Brennan alone to appear in this list. Also, the series is based in Washington D.C.

6. Kay Scarpetta
I'll say this upfront: Patricia Cornwall irritates me. She has an over inflated ego, changes to please the audience (not in a good way) and generally screws around with the characters. Patricia Cornwallas an author jumped the shark in my opinion after writing a book on who she thinks Jack the Ripper was. That didn't phase me too much, but was still irritating. Scarpetta's books jumped the shark for me when Kay's niece Lucy, who was an adorable kid with a knack for computers in the first book was turned into a rich, lesbian, secret agent helicopter pilot. I don't know what to say. Things got even stranger, with a French wolf-man and crazy red-necks, but after turning Lucy into Miss Fanservice, nothing can bring this series back for me. That having been said, the actual mysteries aren't terrible and for the first book alone, I believe Kay Scarpetta, Chief Medical Examiner in the city of Richmond and the entire state of Virginia deserves a place on this list. In spite of everything.

5. Adrian Monk
Although there may be books featuring this character, I've never read them, making this he first TV exclusive detective on this list. I'm unashamedly proud that at least half the characters in this list are literary. Anyway, Monk is the main character of the TV series of the same name. After the death of his wife, Monk, who has always suffered a mild series of phobias, has a severe relapse, basically becoming scared of the world. Again based in San Francisco, the TV series revolves around Monk trying to both solve the murder of his wife and get reinstated to the SFPD, which he eventually gives up on (as he realises that he cannot be a policeman). Although the series is made to semi-comedic, this aspect has never appealed to me. I much prefer the mystery side. The mysteries are clearly American TV, as they reveal "whodunnit" at the beginning of every episode. Still, a great series that I was very saddened to see end.

4. Jack Reacher
Positions 4-2 are basically tied in my opinion, so eel free to move them as you wish. Anyway, here is Lee Child's creation Jack Reacher. Born in Germany to a French mother and an American father, Reacher was brought up on military bases the world over, growing up to be an MP (military policeman). As the Cold War winds down, Reacher decides to leave the army to wonder the American mainland. Although he has travelled to both Hawaii and the UK during the course of the series, the focus is Reacher travelling from town to town to basically do nothing. Normally, he is dragged into mysteries either by his past (either the army or family) or the fact that he is from out of town and is instantly suspected as the perpetrator of the crime and must prove his innocence. A great series that I cannot encourage people to read more. I'm somewhat worried about what the upcoming movie will do for the franchise, however.

3. Fox Mulder
How could I not? The first FBI agent on the list, Mulder is the main character in the TV series X-Files, one of my favourite shows. Mulder, teamed up with Agent Scully, is out to discover proof of UFOs and find his sister, who was abducted from their house when the Mulder siblings were children. Although most of the cases investigated turn out to be a touch supernatural, there is occasionally a crime which needs to be solved conventionally, so I justify the inclusion of this character. Also, David Duchovny is one of the greatest actors of all time in my opinion.

2. Hercule Poirot
As with Patterson, I'd like to pretend that there was a great decision to be made over which Agatha Christie character would appear on this list. However, I think Miss Marple is a nosy old bag who should keep her nose out of other people's business and shut the hell up. So, Poirot. Hercule Poirot is a retired Belgian detective living in London, solving crimes for anyone who requires it, relying on his "little grey cells" to work out the culprit. He is accompanied by his friend Hastings, who disappeared for a while to live in Argentina with his wife, only to return upon her death. Although Poirot is a rather basic character, I believe two stories stand out for me, which I recommend anyone who likes Poirot, or would like to learn about Poirot should read. Firstly, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, which is great for learning about Poirot as a character and just how talented Agatha Christie truly was. Also be warned that Hastings is not in this tale, replaced by Dr. James Sheppard as the sidekick. Secondly Curtain: Potrot's Last Case, which is exactly what it sounds like. Go forth and read!

1. Sherlock Holmes
Whatever else could I have put in this position? Dupin? Go read The Murders in The Rue Morgue if you think he was in good books. Holmes is the absolute detective. If it wasn't for Sherlock Holmes, I doubt crime fiction would be in the state it is today. Try and take that as a comment promoting Holmes, no matter how it sounded. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created one of the most intoxicatingly fascinating gentleman ever to be created as fiction. Even to this day, the exploits of Holmes fascinate many. Over the past month I have turned on my TV for just 6 hours. All six were to watch the second season of Sherlock, the modern retelling of the Sherlock Holmes stories, both amazingly interesting and incredibly faithful. I truly believe that the British do Holmes the best. The American movie Sherlock Holmes and the upcoming series called Elementary both worry me to great lengths. Do people actually believe that is what Sherlock Holmes would be like? Reckless, angry, obsessed? Well, maybe obsessed, but charismatic? Charming? I doubt it. The British got it right.

Anyway, I would be very happy to hear if there was anything I missed. Also, do not mention Dupin. He has been left out of this list for crimes against detective crime fiction. FUCKING ORANG-OUTANGS! Also, why are so many detectives from San Francisco?

H. Rourke

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Update

Sorry I haven't written any reviews recently. If anyone was reading in the first place, I'd be worried they would stop.

I have acquired a few CD's, and I don't know which of them will be reviewed:

Triple J Hottest 100 of 2011, which has most of the songs I was hoping would be on there. This is actually the very first time I've bought a Triple J CD first-hand. All the other ones have been from the wonderful device known as a second-hand store.

I haven't actually received it yet, but the Hilltop Hoods have released their newest album, Drinking From The Sun. I have rather low expectations of what it will be like, but that didn't stop me blowing $20 on a pre-order. It's a thin line between band loyalty and outright throwing money away. In the end, though, I think I'm still getting a decent CD that will probably get a lot of use. I don't expect another Fifty In Five, but I'll be happy as long as I don't receive a CD full of She's So Ugly and Aussie Accents. I'm not a massive fan of the single they've released so far, but I still think it's a hell of a lot better than a large amount of modern music. Say what you will about them, but the Hilltop Hoods have made enough good music to make up for a whole album full of garbage, if such a thing is to happen.

What else, music wise? Internationalist by Powderfinger, which has the major drawback of being forgettable. The second I finish listening to it, I forget the entire content of the album. I have wanted to purchase a second Powderfinger album for a while, having obtained Vulture Street last year sometime.

St. Elsewhere by Gnarles Barkley also came into my possesion. It is a truly fantastic album. If you haven't heard of it, the best known track off of it is Crazy. If you don't know who Gnarles Barkley is, do you remember that song, Fuck You by Cee-Lo Green? Yeah, that guy's in it. That should clear everything up.

Franz Ferdinand's debut album, which I've been looking for for a while was also one of the CD's I picked up. Astounding how good they sounded, even when they were just starting up.

I found a two in one Eskimo Joe album. Girl and A Song Is A City. Not bad. Kind of forgettable, though.

There are a few others, but they slip the mind at the moment. If anything really interesting comes to mind, I'll make another update. I'll also try and get a review of...something up over the long weekend.

Happy Canberra Day. (Yes, it's a thing. Google it.)

H. Rourke.