The Greatest Detectives

About that review i mentioned in the Update post...

Well,when I wrote that I was planning on doing a review, I had in mind Two Shoes by The Cat Empire. Now, anyone who pays the slightest attention to the content of this blog (more than me, at least) will realise that this is one of the first albums I ever reviewed on here. o say the least, I'm glad I noticed before writing another review on the same subjects.

So instead of a review today (I'll still do one soon) I'm going to do something completely different. As you may have observed from the title (clever one, aren't you?), I shall be counting down my personal favourite fictional detectives and agents of law enforcement.

So, criteria:
1. Only 1 character per author, just for he sake of variety.
2. They do not have to be a detective, but they must either at some point have solved a crime by using skills of observation or other crime solving talents (eg. Questioning suspects, etc.)
3. If the character is based on a real person, at least the name must be completely fictional. (So Allison DuBois from Medium is not in the running. Although, I must say that she had much of a chance from the start. To say the least, when I think "detective", that character does not spring to mind.)

10. Lt Lindsay Boxer
Well, I'd like to say that it was tricky trying to come up with my favourite character by James Patterson, but it was remarkably easy. The other main contender was Alex Cross, but he never had a chance. Really, he was a pretty 2D character in my mind. Anyway, Boxer is a female cop from San Francisco. The only series I'm aware she appears in is the Women's Murder Club series, where a group of women: one a cop (Boxer), one a reporter, one a lawyer (I think. It has been a while) and one a medical examiner. Although I'm not a massive fan of the majority of Patterson's work, the Women's Murder Club series certainly stands out.

9. Thomas Vanadium
Or to be more precise, Detective Father Thomas Vanadium. A former priest who leaves the orphanage he works at to join the police after two boys under his care are murdered by someone working in the same building. I extremely doubt many people have heard of this particular detective, as he has appeared (to my knowledge) in only one book: From The Corner Of His Eye by Dean Koontz. I recommend this book only if you haven't read any of his work before. It all really seems the same in the end. Thomas Vanadium is by far the saving grace of this book. He haunts the murderer, performing tricks with a coin during conversation, only for the coin to follow the killer wherever he goes, ending up in San Francisco. A brilliant detective and a great concept.

8. Detective Gorby
The first and probably only Australian in this list. The creation of Fergus Hume in 1886, The Mystery Of The Hansom Cab was one of the first detective novels ever written. The setting is Melbourne and basically just discussing mattes of the wealthy getting killed. The plot is OK. Gorby is on this list because he is something many modern fictional detectives are not: he is seriously flawed. Not modern "flawed", where the detective has one mild inconvenience in an otherwise perfect life. Gorby picks the wrong man and stands by it, even when a great deal of proof says otherwise. A strange but interesting man.

7. Temperance Brennan
Well, this is going to be a tricky one. To put it simply, Temperance Brennan is two people:
The first and my personal favourite is the independent, intelligent and able woman who works in the city of Montreal, solving crimes using bones. There are some books with her in North Carolina, but I'm yet to read these. This Brennan has a life, to put it simply, and is overworked, being a much more realistic detective than many. A great creation by the writer Kathy Reichs.

The second Brennan is the reason this person was not in a higher position. The second Temperance "Bones" Brennan is one of the main characters of the TV show Bones. She lacks almost all social skills, has no understanding of the world outside her office and is basically dependant on her partner, Booth. This woman is not a detective, but a nuisance. I don't mind the show at all, but I would never choose that Brennan alone to appear in this list. Also, the series is based in Washington D.C.

6. Kay Scarpetta
I'll say this upfront: Patricia Cornwall irritates me. She has an over inflated ego, changes to please the audience (not in a good way) and generally screws around with the characters. Patricia Cornwallas an author jumped the shark in my opinion after writing a book on who she thinks Jack the Ripper was. That didn't phase me too much, but was still irritating. Scarpetta's books jumped the shark for me when Kay's niece Lucy, who was an adorable kid with a knack for computers in the first book was turned into a rich, lesbian, secret agent helicopter pilot. I don't know what to say. Things got even stranger, with a French wolf-man and crazy red-necks, but after turning Lucy into Miss Fanservice, nothing can bring this series back for me. That having been said, the actual mysteries aren't terrible and for the first book alone, I believe Kay Scarpetta, Chief Medical Examiner in the city of Richmond and the entire state of Virginia deserves a place on this list. In spite of everything.

5. Adrian Monk
Although there may be books featuring this character, I've never read them, making this he first TV exclusive detective on this list. I'm unashamedly proud that at least half the characters in this list are literary. Anyway, Monk is the main character of the TV series of the same name. After the death of his wife, Monk, who has always suffered a mild series of phobias, has a severe relapse, basically becoming scared of the world. Again based in San Francisco, the TV series revolves around Monk trying to both solve the murder of his wife and get reinstated to the SFPD, which he eventually gives up on (as he realises that he cannot be a policeman). Although the series is made to semi-comedic, this aspect has never appealed to me. I much prefer the mystery side. The mysteries are clearly American TV, as they reveal "whodunnit" at the beginning of every episode. Still, a great series that I was very saddened to see end.

4. Jack Reacher
Positions 4-2 are basically tied in my opinion, so eel free to move them as you wish. Anyway, here is Lee Child's creation Jack Reacher. Born in Germany to a French mother and an American father, Reacher was brought up on military bases the world over, growing up to be an MP (military policeman). As the Cold War winds down, Reacher decides to leave the army to wonder the American mainland. Although he has travelled to both Hawaii and the UK during the course of the series, the focus is Reacher travelling from town to town to basically do nothing. Normally, he is dragged into mysteries either by his past (either the army or family) or the fact that he is from out of town and is instantly suspected as the perpetrator of the crime and must prove his innocence. A great series that I cannot encourage people to read more. I'm somewhat worried about what the upcoming movie will do for the franchise, however.

3. Fox Mulder
How could I not? The first FBI agent on the list, Mulder is the main character in the TV series X-Files, one of my favourite shows. Mulder, teamed up with Agent Scully, is out to discover proof of UFOs and find his sister, who was abducted from their house when the Mulder siblings were children. Although most of the cases investigated turn out to be a touch supernatural, there is occasionally a crime which needs to be solved conventionally, so I justify the inclusion of this character. Also, David Duchovny is one of the greatest actors of all time in my opinion.

2. Hercule Poirot
As with Patterson, I'd like to pretend that there was a great decision to be made over which Agatha Christie character would appear on this list. However, I think Miss Marple is a nosy old bag who should keep her nose out of other people's business and shut the hell up. So, Poirot. Hercule Poirot is a retired Belgian detective living in London, solving crimes for anyone who requires it, relying on his "little grey cells" to work out the culprit. He is accompanied by his friend Hastings, who disappeared for a while to live in Argentina with his wife, only to return upon her death. Although Poirot is a rather basic character, I believe two stories stand out for me, which I recommend anyone who likes Poirot, or would like to learn about Poirot should read. Firstly, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, which is great for learning about Poirot as a character and just how talented Agatha Christie truly was. Also be warned that Hastings is not in this tale, replaced by Dr. James Sheppard as the sidekick. Secondly Curtain: Potrot's Last Case, which is exactly what it sounds like. Go forth and read!

1. Sherlock Holmes
Whatever else could I have put in this position? Dupin? Go read The Murders in The Rue Morgue if you think he was in good books. Holmes is the absolute detective. If it wasn't for Sherlock Holmes, I doubt crime fiction would be in the state it is today. Try and take that as a comment promoting Holmes, no matter how it sounded. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created one of the most intoxicatingly fascinating gentleman ever to be created as fiction. Even to this day, the exploits of Holmes fascinate many. Over the past month I have turned on my TV for just 6 hours. All six were to watch the second season of Sherlock, the modern retelling of the Sherlock Holmes stories, both amazingly interesting and incredibly faithful. I truly believe that the British do Holmes the best. The American movie Sherlock Holmes and the upcoming series called Elementary both worry me to great lengths. Do people actually believe that is what Sherlock Holmes would be like? Reckless, angry, obsessed? Well, maybe obsessed, but charismatic? Charming? I doubt it. The British got it right.

Anyway, I would be very happy to hear if there was anything I missed. Also, do not mention Dupin. He has been left out of this list for crimes against detective crime fiction. FUCKING ORANG-OUTANGS! Also, why are so many detectives from San Francisco?

H. Rourke