Ah, fuck this show. Seriously, it can just fuck off. I was thinking when I finished Vandread that I would feel very much the same about Kiddy Grade. But thanks, as I expressed earlier on my (plug plug) twitter, the Cover By Cover review/riff of Kiddy Grade made me be perfectly honest with myself. This show is garbage.
I've never been honest with myself because three of my best friends, the orchestrators of the list which I am only today (having started in Feb/March) concluding, list it among their favourite. I don't know whether to blame nostalgia or contrasting tastes, but I've kept my distaste moderate around them.
Cover By Cover do a damn good job ripping what turn out to be serious problems with the entire run of the show: the overpowered state of the stars, the horrible, horrible blatant fanservice of REALLY FUCKING YOUNG KIDS, and the lack of plot for the majority of the show.
What they fail to note is just how shit this show is, even when the "plot" starts roaring.
I just bloody can't take this show a character at a time like I prefer to do, so let's just jump into the bullshit.
Plot:
Eclair (or, as CBC refer to her, "Panty") and Lumiere are agents in the not-UN/EU/World Bank. They deliver things and hurt people in flashy way. Then events occur. I'm not overly eager to spoil this show, because that's more effort than it's worth, but I'll have to just for things to say.
Basically there's dissent in a planet that the women are called in to put down. they side with the workers who they are told to help brutally suppress. They become outlaws from the giant international conspiracy of aristocrats who are trying to kill them. Them there's a coup in the not-UN, and clones, and a human-shaped death star and someone is related to Eclair, and then Eclair is born.
Yeah. The plot isn't that important, so I'll address it first: it's crap.
It's full of elaborate conspiracies and historical homages, but it never runs with them. It doesn't know what it's trying to say. OK, so this planet is having a revolution, and you're on the wrong side of it. So why do you change your mind? Do you consider the consequences? What is the long term goal of the people? And, most importantly, in the grand conspiracy, why does this matter at all? I'm not saying all these questions aren't answered, but they aren't expanded much at all over the course of the show.
Another example is the conspiracy itself, where a bunch of rich aristocrats attempt to control the universe, while living comfortably on Earth, and plan to fuck everyone over and leg it. Fine. But explain it. How did this start? Some individual examples of planets in which families were forced to sign away their lives, and that of all their descendants, to live on colonised planets owned by the aristocrats. That's alright, but doesn't explain how this didn't happen everywhere, and yet this network emerged. And why is it aristocrats? When did this colonisation start? I mean, sure, there's an obvious upper class in modern societies (everyone loves Capitalism - best equality ever), but they aren't traditional aristocrats. There isn't a focus on class, behaviour and blood as much as ability, wealth and ability. Simple things like clothing and culture are just not realistic for a society descended from ours.
I'll boil this all down to one question: What is this show trying to say?
Are the aristocrats meant to be modern capitalists? Is this an appeal to Socialism, or an alternate economy which rejects the idea of classes? Or is it a reflection of the inevitability of human behaviour, the inherent appearance of a ruling class who abuses their power? Is it attempting to argue that the universe is undergoing a form of Marxist revolution, in which this group is overthrown, or is it anti-Marxist, saying you'll never be rid of this group?
Even if the show outright stated this in a concise and intelligent way, instead of the confused and tangled mess it actually provides, I wouldn't be really impressed. The constant fanservice and pathetic characterisation undermine any attempt to convey a purpose.
I need to be clear: not all Anime need to state their purpose, after-school special style, aside from the story. It doesn't have to be clear or obvious, but it really needs to be there. I mean, the main characters work for a major UN style organisation. Does it fail because it's inherently flawed to attempt to maintain a status-quo? Or is it a fine idea, simply undermined by those abusing the function of the service? You simply CANNOT attempt to bring all of these elaborate ideas and organisations into the story and say nothing about their operational function and potential. It's the same reason constant pop-culture references get old quickly. If there isn't a purpose, it is quite literally pointless.
Vandread spelt itself out upfront: gender is not the most important way in which humanity should divide itself. Behaviour, personality and morality are much more important than something as petty as gender.
Is it well conveyed? No. Does the nature of the show somewhat undermine the message? Yes, a little. Does it take a little searching to find it? Yes. There's also probably more the show is trying to say, but this is my takeaway, which I agree with (which helps), and I respect it.
Angel Beats: Life is important. Youth is important. People are important. Treasure all of them.
Much better conveyed and much more to the point, and reinforced by the very nature of the show. This idea of a message is not simply restricted to anime which take themselves seriously.
Hayate no Gotoku: Don't be anti-social and an introvert. Go out and live life.
This is hardly subtle, and is constant. The show plays with it, with Nagi always fighting those who want her to be social and defending her position as inevitable, but the show does glorify human interaction, despite being an indoor medium. I don't quite agree with this message, but I have to admit it's there.
Kamen no Maid Guy: What people want is more important than what you think they need. When they express what they want, give it your all.
Reinforced by the nature of the show and the interaction between the main characters, although some of the smaller plots slightly clash.
Sorry for going off on a tangent, and not drawing out particularly academic messages, but these are pretty clear. Kiddy Grade just constantly quashes any attempt at a reliable message. Is authority inherently good (as implied in the first few episodes)? Is it inherently bad (as conveyed in the middle episodes)? Is SOME authority good? It's only with the power of the GOTT (the not-UN) that the main characters defeat the Aristocratic death-star. What am I meant to walk away from this show thinking? I might be under or over-thinking it, but I feel this is part of my problem with the entire show. Other than the last episode, which is literally nonsense for the most part to me, it generally lacks focus.
The show goes between distinct arcs, with the women working for, then against, and then for the GOTT again. It lacks any real development of the story at large. There is, as an aside, a fuckload of 9/11 imagery in the attack on GOTT HQ. There is, in regards to tone, nothing worse than an anime that uses powerful imagery to say nothing. I seriously would rather the show argue that Al Qaeda was completely justified in the attacks, as that would be interesting and would spark discussion. Using this imagery for no purpose silences any discussion of the show and its deeper meaning, as much as I'm trying. All the self-contained, episode long plots, which eventually added up to nothing, are particularly guilty of this. I'm perfectly aware that I often attribute unintentional historical and political significance to anime (we'll get to why both L & Kira were fascists in Death Note), but I refuse to accept all, or even any, of this was accidental. Episode 1: a moderate diplomat employs a third party military in order to bypass his own overzealous and politically independent military.
Just take America in Iraq, Japan in China, America in Nicaragua, The Falklands, or so, so, so many real life examples of this. It hits too close to reality to be accidental. It is attempting to throw historically significant shit at the meaning wall to see what sticks - except the wall is made of shit.
As that aside points out, the story doesn't do anything. I don't know how the show ends (I mean, I saw it, I just don't understand it), so I can't say if it chronologically just ends at the beginning, but in regards to tone, character development and message, it already did. The characters pulled off an act of reasonable heroics. Fin. Nothing learned.
I've been talking about message and tone too long. Let's just pretend this is porn, where they forgot to take (what little was left of) the clothes off the cast. No message more important than "enjoy yourself". What's left? There isn't characters. I just outright refuse to accept that. These characters are paper thin and completely pointless. Yes, I believe all of them are completely pointless, even the main women. I mean, if the show has no point, why would the characters? Other than this, there is no personality in anyone other than "brash", "smart" and "smug". I don't care enough to talk about them more, but they are probably the weakest part of the show, and that's saying quite a lot. My response to "Who is my favourite character?" is not "Nobody" but "Characters? What characters?".
I don't want to dwell on meaning or tone for much longer, but I am honestly hunting for something else to talk about. As I said on twitter, this show is absolutely awful, but in the most boring ways. I guess the horrid fanservice is worth mentioning, even as an aside.
It's utterly pointless. Actually, no, that's wrong. It's the ENTIRE point. That is why this show exists. Because breasts. And arse. And 10 year old girls in swimsuits. OK, I normally use the exceptionally euphemistic phrase "Lolita" to handwave the sexualisation of underage girls. But this is outright paedophilia. I mean, if this is your thing, go for it, better anime than reality, but for fucks sake. Why is this in an anime that anyone I know likes? This is just foul, and not even just the 10 year old. I mean, let's admit that the attire of these women undermines their position as law enforcers or military-trained peacekeepers. If real women wanted to dress like this? Fine. More power to them. Have fun, and I hope it's comfortable on every level. In an anime made by/for straight men? Fuck. Off. This is just pathetic. I have no problem with something existing for just titillation, although I don't get the parts that AREN'T for arousal, and I somewhat feel what is essentially porn shouldn't invoke 9/11 imagery for...well, any reason.
I just don't get the reason this show exists. Sure, it has a lot of T&A, but if it wanted to, it could easily have added much more. So why didn't they? Was there a reason? There isn't an arc, there isn't a story, there isn't a moral, there isn't a tonal essence, there isn't a message, there isn't an emotional significance, there isn't a justified historical homage, it doesn't provide another perspective on any of the multitude of issues it clumsily touches upon like a bowling ball into a Jenga tower, it doesn't have a reason to exist and I sure as fucking hell never want to watch it again for any reason I can possibly think of. I just despise this show.
Let me wrap up. For once, I can't use the rather generic phrase "This show failed at what it was trying to achieve, but I respect what it was going for." Sure, it's often relevant, and I feel like I use some version of it or another every review, and I'm not saying it's incorrect in those contexts. Here I feel something utterly different. I despise this show because it didn't know what it was going for. It was a high-schooler attempting to emulate academic writing styles they saw online. It only saw the end product, and that people liked it. It didn't understand what the act implied or required. Perhaps a more fitting comparison is Kiddy Grade's constant historical and political homages are more akin to a child using a horribly racist slur. Someone important used it, so it has significance, and people reacted to it.
This show is just horribly confused. It doesn't know what it wants. Hell, I'm not saying I know what I want it to be either. I just wish it had been planned out so much more than it was. It's shows like this than make me so averse to sci-fi in general, because so often it is just the product of someone who couldn't be bothered working out how our world works, so they just wanted an empty canvas to project these same confused and jumbled ideas onto, but in space.
Just...don't watch this show, 'K? Or if you do, tell me what the fuck that ending was about. Because I've got no bloody idea. Anyway, I'm not going to talk about the next anime on my list, Armitage III. Although it is interesting, particularly arguing if the message was ultimately pro- or anti-feminist, it was just too short for me to really say that much about. Instead, we'll be skipping to one of the most unique animes I've ever seen - Needless. May the reviewing Gods give me strength.
Thanks for reading,
H. Rourke.
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